Forgiveness....what a difficult concept! How can we forgive a loved one who has betrayed us? How can we forgive a family member who has torn the family apart? How can we forgive a co-worker who made our lives miserable? How can we forgive someone who has brought accusations against us? Believe me, this is a very difficult topic for me. There was a point in my life where I believed things were close to perfect and in a way I considered my family untouchable. Boy, did the Lord open my eyes. He allowed my family to endure something that no family should ever have to endure. Our family certainly felt like Job. When I was praying for the Lord to reveal to me a topic for the next blog entry, He kept telling me forgiveness. Since it was a rather "touchy" topic for me until just recently, I kept putting it off. The Lord really got my attention when there were three totally different people who came to me to discuss the very topic! Wow, you talk about the Lord trying to make you do something. I finally gave in and decided that the topic of forgiveness needs to be addressed.
My experiences through the last couple of years have shaped me into a totally different woman. I was perfectly content with not moving past my circumstance and was perfectly fine with NEVER forgiving those that hurt my family. I had already decided that I would NEVER see the person whom hurt our family again and I had already "forgotten" about the person. I was determined to never let the person hurt my family again. Boy, was I wrong! The whole time I harbored hatred towards the person and unforgiveness towards them I was hurting myself. I was hurting myself physically and spiritually, as well as, hurting my marriage. During those two rough years I played like everything was fine, but the anger and bitterness I felt towards the individual made me a miserable person. I can't explain it any better than I really became depressed. I put on more weight, and I had short patience in dealing with Darren and my students. I even felt further away from Christ because I was ashamed of myself. I just felt like I had this dark spot in my heart that I was allowing to take over aspects of my life and I couldn't do anything about it. Honestly when I prayed about it, I wasn't ready to let it go so as a result, I didn't fully allow the Lord to work in me.
It wasn't until one day God grabbed a hold of my heart and told me, "Who are you not to forgive someone who hurt you when my own Son forgave those that nailed Him to a cross?" WOW!! I felt so ashamed and so embarrassed. If I am supposed to be a Christian and be "Christ like" then why was I not willing to forgive? Here I was, a newly elected missionary, church planter, and pastor's wife who couldn't forgive someone. Not only did I not want to forgive her, but I was so angry at her. Just the thought of the individual boiled up anger in my heart and tears would flow from my eyes. In Matthew 5, Jesus reminds us that anyone who is angry with his brother will be subject to judgement. In verse 23-24, Jesus says, "Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother, then come and offer your gift." Here are some good notes from my NIV Study Bible. Killing is a terrible sin, but anger is a great sin too because it violates God's command to love. Anger refers to a seething, brooding bitterness against someone. It is a dangerous emotion that always threatens to get out of control, leading to violence, emotional hurt, increased mental stress, and spiritual damage. Anger keeps you from developing a spirit pleasing to God. Jesus said that we will be held accountable even for our attitudes. Broken relationships can hinder our relationship with God. We are hypocrites if we claim to love God while we hate others. How quick are we to call someone a hypocrite, but in reality are hypocrites ourselves? Our attitudes toward others reflect our relationship with God. I John 4:20-21 tells us, "if anyone says, "I love God", yet hates his brother, he is a liar. For anyone who does not love his brother, whom he has seen, cannot love God, whom he has not seen. And he has given us this command: Whoever loves God must also love his brother." Matthew 5:21-26 encourages us to get things right with our brothers and sisters before we have to stand before God.
I refer to those awful two years as my darkest time. At the end of those two years, God sent me His personal librarian to pass on a book to me. In his book, Total Forgiveness, R.T. Kendall says, "totally forgiving another person is an achievable act. It can be done, and it is something you and I must keep doing." He also goes on to say that total forgiveness involves additional elements which is praying for God's blessings to rain down on the lives of your offenders. When we can ask God to bless those that hurt us we are allowing God's grace to work through us to remove all bitterness in regards to that person. Lastly, he tells us that totally forgiving someone doesn't mean that we take a vacation with them, but that we release bitterness in our hearts concerning what they have done. God doesn't expect us to become best friends with the person whom has hurt us. I know that my relationship with the individual that hurt me will not be the same. There has been a bond broken that will never be as before. For one, I am hesitant to trust the person again because I am afraid to get hurt again. God expects us to forgive and move on to healing the relationship so that the very thought of them would bring on pleasant thoughts and not unpleasant thoughts.
This week try to sit down and write a list of all the people in your lives that you have been harboring bitterness towards, people that you have held a vengeance against or those people that you have been so angry towards. Then ask God to help you forgive each of them as you mention their name to Him. One thing I did to make it more personal was to pray while holding a picture of her in my hand. At first it was very hard to even look at her picture and after many tears and struggles, I was finally able to actually see her again. Ask Him to allow you to heal from their actions towards you and then ask God to forgive YOU. Yes, I said to ask Him to forgive you. I didn't realize that the whole time I was resenting the individual and thinking awful things about her would be considered a sin. I mean SHE was the one who hurt my family. However, because I hated a sister in Christ and wanted her to hurt just as much as me, I sinned. I literally hated one of God's creations. So you need to ask God to forgive you. Then pray for God to reveal to you steps towards mending the relationship and reconciling. Before Thanksgiving I finally took a BIG step towards mending the relationship. I met her face-to-face and talked. As we shared tears and hurts, we were finally able to heal as we forgave each other. Today, we are continuously strengthening our relationship as we work towards a healed friendship. This was one of the final steps in relieving so much weight that I didn't realize I was carrying for so long. I was overcome with a sense of peace and my spiritual life has been strengthened. God gave me an experience that I can now use to help others overcome their obstacles in regards to forgiveness.
Remember we must forgive those that have hurt us and we must get rid of all anger and resentment towards them. Although the task is difficult for US to achieve alone, it is NOT difficult for us to achieve with Christ. When we let go and let God handle the situation we will feel like a new and improved person. Believe me, I NEVER thought this day would come. Remember I was content with how things were, but I wasn't right. R.T. Kendall sums it up when he writes, "When everything in you wants to hold a grudge, point a finger, and remember the pain - God wants you to lay it all aside."
I haven't ever included a concluding prayer in my blog before, but I feel compelled to close this blog with a prayer for everyone reading it:
Most gracious, Heavenly Father, I thank you for the individuals who lift me up and have helped me during my times of need. I thank you for each of the individuals reading this blog for they have been important parts of my life and have been a blessing to me. Lord, I ask that you give strength to the ones reading this blog about forgiveness. I ask that you reveal to them relationships that need to be mended. I know from experience we deny that someone has hurt us and we pretend that we harbor no bitterness towards others. Lord, I ask that you open their hearts to the truth and that you heal them. I pray that they seek your wisdom and guidance as they reconcile relationships and as they work towards becoming a stronger person in you. I pray that they feel your presence every step of the way as they seek your wisdom and guidance. Lord, I thank you for allowing me to be your vessel and allowing me to speak to these individuals reading this blog through you. I thank you for burdening my heart to write about forgiveness and never giving up on me. Thank you for our many wonderful blessings and for sending your Son to die on an old wooden cross so that I can have an eternal life with you. In your Holy Name, Amen.
